Day Three - And I can't seem to find my way home.

Another day in this carnival of souls
Another night's sands end as quickly as it goes
The memories are shadows, ink on the page
And I can't seem to find my way home

And it's almost like your heaven's trying everything
Your heaven's trying everything to keep me out

All the places I've been and things I've seen
A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams
The faces of people I'll never see again
And I can't seem to find my way home

'Cause it's almost like your heaven's trying everything to break me down
'Cause it's almost like your heaven's trying everything to keep me out

'Cause it's almost like your heaven's trying everything to break me down
'Cause it's almost like your heaven's trying everything
Your heaven's trying everything to break me down
To break me down, to break me down

Your heaven's trying everything
Your heaven's trying everything to break me down

So here I am, at day three. The workouts are going better. I managed a full eight minutes on the elliptical before I fell off of it today. (Still not stellar I know, but a big improvement over the five from the day before yesterday.) Baby steps. 

I find myself stuck inside of my own head today, thinking of the past, the present, and how one evolved to the other. My (former) brother got married last week, I found out this morning by a facebook posting by someone else. I was crushed. In reality, my mother has been married more times than the norm, but slightly less than Elizabeth Taylor, so I guess I shouldn’t expect much from the families of her ex’s, but this one was different. This was my family for eight years. I grew up with these people, when I think of (happy) family memories, it always involves them. In some ways I’ve always considered them more family than my, well, real family. I honestly considered staying with them when she left. 

I tried not to take it personally when they didn’t come to my wedding, and by that I mean, I only cried a little. My mother has since remarried, but I don’t recognize her union with said man, he will never be related to me and my child will never call him grandpa (ok I know I kind of sound pompous here, but you would really have to understand the family dynamic, and that is a story for another day.)

If you don’t know the song above, you should. It is Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch, I had considered adding Sin with a Grin by Shinedown, but that is a song I reserve for another emotion. I enjoy music greatly, not one particular type, but all. I was a band/chorus/ theory dork in high school, well along with just being an overall dork. 

The chicken was great by the way. I added spices and grilled it like a regular beef patty. They were juicy and the texture was great. The husband even liked them. I shall call them a success.